I haven’t done a new post in over 2 weeks, and it’s starting to bug me. This sounds bad, but I just haven’t felt like sharing. Oh, I have lots of thoughts running through my head, that’s never the issue. Lots on my mind, yep. The truth is, I’ve been depressed at times. Another roller coaster, like the middle of last year almost. By that I mean, I have great days, times when I feel superb, such as an excellent bike ride I did last Saturday — felt physically better than I had in weeks, and my friend Luis commented how strong I looked on the bike (and he is a triathlete, so that was a nice compliment). So, the mood swings have not affected my energy level, which is good.
I don’t even want to write about why I’m depressed. It’s way too heavy, way too personal for this blog right now (in case anyone actually reads this, which I kind of doubt). If you are reading this and thinking “C’mon, spill!”, all I can say is, maybe I can’t handle the truth right now. Also, I have developed a personal ethic that I do not want to use my friends as therapists. Even if friends joke in a way that suggests I am doing that, I will withdraw. Blogging is a kind of therapy for me, and by publishing I feel as though I am putting a lot on the line. Which is ironic, because I pretty much have always depended on friends to listen, at least sometimes. I feel that is what a good friend does, and I definitely try to be available to listen to my friends.
What’s the point here? Hmmm, what is the point. The point is I want to write interesting posts, and a part of me wants them to be read, but when I’m down it’s difficult to maintain the positive attitude that I try to project.
Well, there is an idea right there: all I can do is continue to focus on the positive. In addition to the good cycling, and the yoga I am doing (which has been really great for me), I had an awesome time at a heavy metal concert with my friend David and a couple of guys — Rammstein, at the Oracle Arena in Oakland. Way fun. And I have cool stuff to look forward to, such as Beach Blanket Babylon in June.
It’s the in-between times, when I am tired and thinking too much, that are giving me trouble. Gotta work on that. Stop thinking and just stay busy….