This news item was all over the internet yesterday. One article summed it up this way: “Eating two slices of bacon — or one sausage — a day can increase a person’s risk of developing pancreatic cancer by 19 percent, a study out of Sweden has found.”
Dammit! Everybody knows bacon is bad for you (yet most people love it). Sausage has somehow managed to fly under the radar. I have always suspected that those scrumptious links and patties could do me in, but I have been happily in denial. I admit it now. I’m fond of saying, “I never met a sausage I didn’t like.” That is not precisely true; there are a few types and brands I will avoid if given a choice, but the fact is I can’t recall ever kicking one off my plate.
Ironically, although I love the taste of bacon, I am able to exhibit willpower from time to time and pass on it. For years it was put in front of me essentially in all-you-can-eat fashion at Rotary breakfasts, and I managed to leave it off my plate. Sometimes. Whereas, pork link sausages — no way. Love those babies. I think that’s because eons ago doctors and scientists clearly warned us about the unhealthiness of bacon, and I couldn’t totally ignore the facts. Bacon, it’s your own fault. When you there is literally fat dripping off you and to the naked eye half of you are equal parts lard and lean, you can have no secrets.
But seriously, Swedish researcher dudes?! Couldn’t you have just continued to harass bacon? Why, oh why, did you have to pick on sausage? What has it ever done to you? Are you all going through chemotherapy for pancreatic cancer as you sit in your labs and write your reports? Admit it, haven’t you forked down some bangers with crumpets and tea all shipped over from London? And didn’t you love them?! And now you feel the need to stab those delicious sausages in the back?
Polish kielbasa. Bratwurst. Knockwurst. Italian sausage (a favorite on pizza). The list goes on and on. Now that I’ll be worrying about my pancreas, they will be much harder to enjoy. This is not goodbye, this is… I don’t know, the start of a forbidden love affair, a guilty pleasure?
If they come out with studies showing ice cream is a silent killer, I’ll be really pissed. Somebody has got to put a lid on those researchers! Tie them up, lock them in jail, burn their reports and delete their hard-drives. Don’t let the character assassination of my favorite foods go on!